Gumbaby

"Toby Bailey's misdirected fanmail."   A simple scan of the page URL would make it clear that Toby Bailey, the mathematician at Edinburgh University in Scotland, is probably not the same Toby Bailey who plays basketball for UCLA. But even well-educated web readers seem undaunted, and decide to send the baller email.
From toby bailey's home page . Filed under: celebrity —  Comments (0)
I’m really not too sure how to go about doing this. If this is supposed
to be a mathematical letter, I’m sorry.
I just had to send this to you
because I think that you are one of the best players in college
basketball. Ever since I watched you play two years ago, I thought that
you were extremely mature in the way you handled the ball. I am not
expecting to receive a reply to this, but…never mind. I hope that
UCLA makes it to the finals next year. I cannot wait to see you play
again! Good Luck!

***** *****

Wanted to put that one before the jump — it’s short and I didn’t want to bore you all, and I loved the way the commenter tried to make sense of the fact that she was on the website of someone other than the basketball player by thinking she was supposed to be writing “a mathematical letter” — but I just have to add this one as well, because it’s a fabulous demonstration that not only mouth-breathing inbreds from (insert your personal favorite geographical object of derision here) make mistakes reading on the Internet:

Hey there Mr. Bailey!

You probably won’t give a damn about this message, but I was catching up on
all the NCAA stuff and came across your homepage–so I got a little nerve and
decided to write!

The other day I ran into a girl who was talking smack about you as a person!
Enraged (because I give you madd props for being one of few who is actually
doin’ it right), I let that chick know what she could do with her opinion!
(she probably just wanted to get with you or soemthin’ – and mad cuz you
didn’t ask for her number!) HA

I guess I just want to tell you that I am very proud of you and a lot of
people really look up to you! I am currently on an internship in Washingyon,
DC and Im always lifting up the Bruin name even though I go to school at
Cornell University.(They are a corney bunch–so I gives them noooo props!) Im
from LA–Gardena and I think that you know my brother. His name is A.J., we
both went to Taylor-Tot . I also went to Harvard-Westlake, so basically, Im
quite familiar with your tech and belonging to corney schools!
HA
I really don’t expect you to remember any of that or to even care. I doubt if
you have even read this far! In case you have:
I want to tell you that I pray that God continues to bless you and your
family. Its pretty rough out there, and some of the stuff that I read and see
is not always positive. Be sure to take it all in stride, but always watch
your back!
If you ever need anything, feel free to contact me! My normal e-mail address
is [REDACTED] I’ll be out of here on May 15th….and I can’t wait
to get back to Cali!

Keepin’ it real-as always!

**** ******

Harvard-Westlake, for those of you who don’t know, is a high-pressure, top-performance private school in the LA area which routinely sends many students to Ivy League schools. (Full disclosure, they were rivals of my own high school.)

So HA, Harvard-Westlake! HA, Cornell University! You’re apparently not educating for the new millenium! HA!


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